Work on Yourself!

Like I said, some of the things I read in "Fascinating Womanhood" are hard for me to accept, simply because of the way I have been programmed in this world. Knowing that is the reason I force myself to keep reading and not only read the words, but I look at what they mean, internalize them and give them meaning in my own life.

As I read the first few pages of the book, my black woman instincts came into play. I twisted my lips and thought to myself "Yeah right, that's just not me. Besides, is that what BLACK men really want from a woman?" She starts out in the very beginning saying "If your husband doesn't love you, you are likely doing something to cool his affections, or have lost something which awakens his love." I was like WTH! I thought I had been a good wife to him all these years, despite not getting everything I wanted out of the relationship, I fulfilled what I presumed to be my wifely duties. And now here is this woman telling me that his lack of love for me is MY fault. I did a deep "woosah" and kept reading. In the very next paragraph she goes on to say in winning your husband's love he doesn't need to know or DO anything about it. I was shocked! You mean, I have to do ALL the work, and he gets to just sit back and enjoy ALL the benefits. For a moment I was too through. But, I exhaled and kept reading. I kept thinking, "I'm not gonna let this punk me." A little unconventional thinking, but hey, whatever works. I kept reading and kept reading, and sure enough things started to make more sense.

Again I turned to nature, to look at the natural order of things. Everything in nature changes itself to fit the situation it has found itself in. Trees bend themselves to the wind to keep from breaking and to weather the storm. Flowers are made in attractive colors and scents to entice bees which help with  pollination. They don't grab a bee and force it to suck some nectar. Bears hibernate, birds fly south, squirrels hide food. Animals give in to nature, and thus they live in harmony with nature. We are the only ones that overlook the nature of our mates and try to change them into what we want them to be.

I continued to look around me for examples of ways we change OURSELVES for a greater outcome. I have studied martial arts for over 20 years. Ib self defense, when trying to fend off an attacker, you are more likely to be successful if you maneuver YOURSELF in response to what he's doing rather than try to fight him with muscle and change what he's doing.
For example. If he throws a punch, you are more likely to have a safe outcome if you simply move out of the way,  instead of trying to grab his hand to move HIM. We use the force of the attacker to throw him, we follow the natural momentum of his body to avoid injuring ourselves, we change our position to make a better counter attack. We never try to force the attacker to do anything, because we know, in reality, that is not possible.

So, I got over my little hangups about him not having to do anything rather quickly. I realized once I change myself to fit into the nature of him and fulfill the nature in me, then I will get the results I'm looking for without the added stress and effort of trying to force him into where I want him to be. That he would eventually change himself to fit the new and improved me.