An Introduction

I started this blog on April 28th 2012. I started it at the suggestion of a friend after telling her I was reading "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin.

So, I am in the process of reading this book to help restore and increase the love in my marriage. My husband and I have been married for over 13 years. We married when I was only 18 and he was 20 and although we truly believed we were ready for marriage, because of our lack of life experience, we did make a lot of mistakes with each other. We have had a good marriage, but because of some of those past mistakes there are some lingering feelings of hurt and resentment between us that have had an adverse affect on our marriage and the love between us.

I had seen the book over the years in my mother's room growing up and never paid any attention to it. Years later a friend of mine told me her husband had her reading it, but I took no stock in anything this couple did or suggested. Two years ago, my mother passed, and I acquired her copy of this book that I had seen in her room so many years ago. However, I still did not pick it up to read it. Then, maybe two or three weeks ago, I was rushing out of the house and wanted to grab something to read while I waited for my children to finish their classes  that day. I looked through a box I hadn't unpacked yet and came across the book again and decided to take it with me.

By this time in our marriage my husband and I have tried many things in our efforts to get the most out of our relationship. We read books and articles together, we've listened to and taken the advice of our spiritual leaders, we took a marriage course at the Church of Scientology, we even separated for a few months some years back when I thought I was done trying. Everything helped a little bit, for a little while. But nothing has seemed to help us get that passion and "I'm so in love with you" feeling that we both want in our relationship. I was trying to get him to be how I wanted him to be, he was resisting my efforts and trying to change me in his own way.

When I picked up the book we weren't in the throws of any major fight or argument or anything. In fact we had just had one of our deep and revealing marital "discussions" a few weeks prior. But still, life between us was only hum drum. I picked up the book knowing it would be a difficult read for me. I had a read few pages before, and all the "Suzy homemaker" stuff she was talking about was NOT what I wanted to hear. At that time I was working and going to school and I felt like she didn't have a clue what it was like to be a "modern" woman in this day and age. But even knowing how I felt about the book, I resolved within myself to read it this time, thoroughly, from cover to cover. I would not skip any pages, I would not bounce around between chapters if I got bored or discouraged, and I would force myself to do ALL of the assignments no matter how difficult they seemed. I have had to renew this resolve several times just reading the first few pages. After reading the part where she says something about being able to fix things in your marriage without your husband doing anything, I had to pray and say, "Okay, I'm going to let go and let God handle him and I'm going to take control of me, since that's all I can really do".

So, that's what I am doing, I am working on me and this blog is just to chart my/our progress in the restoration of our marriage through the use of this book. I also wanted to do this to show Black women that we can do this. The book is written in the 1960s by a white suburban woman, and a lot of the examples and references she uses can be hard to relate to if you're a black woman in 2012. So I wanted this to be an example of how the PRINCIPLES in this book can and do transcend the color lines, all we have to do is let down our guard a little bit and make the effort.