My trials

I never wanted to share anything negative about my family on this blog because, well, that's family business and besides I see that as more like venting rather than helping or inspiring. Besides we're all adults here and we are well aware of the fact that life ain't always peachy, and our marriages can sometimes be, less than stellar to say the least (smile). However, I did want to put a real face on what it means to try and live the principles of F.W. The reality of that comes with shining examples of my wins as well as the pitfalls of my losses or failures. It's all apart of the process.

Anytime you make strides to do something of good, God comes along to try you. He has to do this, not to knock you off your path or discourage you, but to test your faith in Him and in yourself and what it is you are trying to get accomplished. He has to try you so that He can show you what you are made of and to strengthen you. When you succeed, you can look back and know that God is God and He has the unmatched ability to bring you through whatever comes your way, and that if you CONTINUE to have faith in Him, whatever you set out to do of good, He can make successful if it is His will to do so.

So suffice it say, I am in the throws of my own trial. As I write this, I reminded that this is what comes with the territory. I put it out it out in the universe (and on the internet lol), that I was going to do this thing, read and attempt to practice and live out the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, for the benefit of myself, my husband and my family. So now, God must try me to see how serious I am about what I have set out to do. If I give in to the trial and quit, I am saying that I wasn't very serious about it in the first place and even worse, that I don't have faith in the God to see me through.

So here's where some of the problems lie. It is very difficult to practice the principles of F.W. when you are harboring disappointment, anger or hurt feelings toward your husband. To praise him, or support him or say some of the loving things that she suggests doesn't come very easy if you feel this way. This is where the strength of being a woman has  to come into play. We have to access the patience and nurturing nature that we have been given, but more importantly we have to access our natural affinity and trust in God and turn to Him.

In one of the stories in the book, there was a woman who was struggling to get her husband to do something, I can't remember right now what, but she realized after many failed attempts to change him, that she had to LET GO. She couldn't force him to do anything, she couldn't make him see things her way, she couldn't pry his eyes open to the suffering his actions were causing her. She HAD to "let go and let God" as they say in the church! She prayed that God would deal with him and she turned her attention and focus toward herself, and her role as a woman of God first and then as a wife and helpmeet to her husband. In the end, she was successful in first becoming a better person, then in receiving what she was trying to get from her husband all along.

I must say, that as I continue to write these words, the attitude that I been holding on to all week is
beginning to dissipate and I am seeing things more clearly and through the eyes of truth and principle and not emotion. It is really a beautiful thing (who new this would be so therapeutic).
Whatever our husbands faults are, or whatever character flaws he has, it IS our job as wife to HELP him MEET and fulfill his role as a man of God. But it is THE WAY WE GO ABOUT IT that
ensures either our success or our failure in this endeavor. "The way" is not by force or covert tactics! Ha, who knew! Anyway, there is a lot more on this in the book. As followers of the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, we get a lot on this as well through our lessons and through his servant the Honorable Minister Farrakhan, so I will leave this point for now.

To give a little background on my current situation,  my husband decided to move us to a new city pretty far from where we were living, and the only place our children have known to live. I did not agree with the move nor his reasons for the move, but I went along with it because I could see it meant a lot to him and I didn't want him to become resentful if we stayed.
But soon I became very uncomfortable with the new situation, it was becoming more of a hardship and a burden than the new and exciting thing he had hoped it would be, especially on the children and myself. I now struggle with whether I should try and cope with our new life here or try and convince him that we should go back or try something else all together.
I want to tell my husband that I support him in his decision to move and that I will help him inany way I can to fulfill his dreams, but I also want to tell him that this is not really what I want and I don't like it here. So, what do I do?
 
In Chapter 6: "Make Him Number One", the author talks about all the things women put ahead of their husbands needs and well-being, including money/status, our careers/talents and our children. I think this may be what I am guilty of right now. I have been putting my children before my husband, I thought I was being a good mother by doing this, but I neglected to think about whether or not I was being a good wife. In this chapter the author also states, "Remember: It is better to let a man have his way and fail, than to stand in his way and make him feel thwarted".

In the Nation of Islam Supreme Wisdom, Lesson Number 1, we are given seven training units to make us Muslim Girls in Training (MGT). They are; how to keep house, how to take care of our husbands, how to rear our children, sew, cook and in general, how to act at home and abroad. 
This is from Allah (God), that the care of our husbands should come before the rearing (not care) of our children. So there lies the answer to my question. I have to put my husband first and have faith that Allah will not let us flounder. If I let go of wanting to control the situation and play my part, He will take care of the rest. I also have to keep in mind that my husband is a good man, and wants the best for his family. I have to have faith in him that he will do the right thing by us in the long run.

I know off the back that this will require some SERIOUS patience and understanding on my part! I am very thankful to Allah for His Messenger and the lessons he provided for us, and I am also thankful for this book, Fascinating Womanhood, which outlines a practical approach to becoming a Godly woman. I'm always able to read something there that re-inspires me to keep going on this mission to be my natural self.

Again, I hope this is helpful to those reading it, it has truly been helpful to me writing it.