Thank You!

I just want to thank those of you who are following my posts here on this blog. It has become a journey of love for me to do this and I am truly enjoying the journey.

When I married at the age of 18, there were VERY few women who would talk to me openly and honestly about what to expect. The internet wasn't as widespread and diverse in content as it is now, so I was left on my own to figure it out, and by Allah's grace, mercy and guidance, my husband and I have been together now for over 13 years.

Now that there is so much information out there online on every and any subject imaginable, I  wanted to share my personal journey with the sisterhood to hopefully inspire all of us in our marriages and to create a female bond between us that we can look to and utilize as we struggle to become one with our spouses. I feel like it is a good thing to share with our sisters some things that work and don't work, without getting all up in each others personal business, so that we can all benefit from a happy family life.

My goal is to share my story in a way that makes it easy for others to relate. I hope and pray that sisters who may have more experience than I do join in and share their stories, and I encourage those who are newly wed to join in and share some of those inspiring new-love stories that you are experiencing right now.

I apologize for some of these typos in the posts, sometimes I write them in the middle of the night after a long day of doing everything! I go back periodically to check for those as spelling and grammar are big pet peeves of mine!

I am attempting to follow the book "Fascinating Womanhood" to the "T", but I am open to suggestions on how to make this blog better and get it out there to reach as many sisters as possible. Please subscribe to the blog, suggest it on your social network sites and by word of mouth. Also, if you have or know of any links to books, websites, seminars or other resource on women, marriage or family please share!

I love all my sisters and I hope with all sincerity that what I am doing here has been and will continue to be helpful.

Minister Farrakhan - "A Nation Can Rise No Higher Than It's Woman" (2 of 2)

What does it mean to be "fascinating"?

 I probably should have put this post first, because the first thing you should do before embarking upon any kind of study, is define WHAT it is you are studying. Duh! You wouldn't commit to starting piano lessons if you didn't even know what a piano was, right? Or maybe you're adventurous like that, and you would sign up for something, or take a class in something without having the slightest clue what it was. 

But, to give things a little more perspective, I decided to define a few terms. This gives me a good visual of what it is I'm trying to become. The idea to do this was inspired during a conversation I was having with my husband this morning. He was confiding in me some realizations he had come to learn about himself. As I listened, I kept thinking, "How would a fascinating woman respond to this? How would she motivate and inspire him, and assure him of her love. What would she say to her husband that would captivate him and cause him to be in awe of her wit and wisdom?" 

I was sad to realize that even after what I have read so far, I didn't even have a visual in my head to pull on of really what it meant to be "fascinating". So, I put the dictionary to use and came up with this:

fascinating[ fas-uh-ney-ting ]

adjective

1. of great interest or attraction; enchanting; charming; captivating: a fascinating story; fascinating jewelry.

 fascinate [ fas-uh-neyt ]

verb (used with object)

1. to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm, unusual nature, or some other special quality; enthrall: a vivacity that fascinated the audience.

2. to arouse the interest or curiosity of; allure.

3. to transfix or deprive of the power of resistance, as through terror: The sight of the snake fascinated the rabbit.

 

So...to elaborate:

of [ uhv, ov, uh v, uh ]

preposition

2. (used to indicate derivation, origin, or source): a man of good family; the plays of Shakespeare; a piece of cake

interest [ in-ter-ist, -trist ]

noun

1. the feeling of a person whose attention, concern, or curiosity is particularly engaged by something: She has a great interest in the poetry of Donne.

2. something that concerns, involves, draws the attention of, or arouses the curiosity of a person: His interests are philosophy and chess.

3. power of exciting such concern, involvement, etc.; quality of being interesting: political issues of great interest.

attraction [ uh-trak-shuh n ]

noun

1. the act, power, or property of attracting.

2. attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement: the subtle attraction of her strange personality.

3. a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices: The main attraction was the after-dinner speaker.

 

enchanting [ en-chan-ting, -chahn]

adjective

1. charming; captivating: an enchanting smile.

charming[ chahr-ming ]

adjective

1. pleasing; delightful: a charming child.

2. using charm; exercising magic power.

captivate[ kap-tuh-veyt ]

verb (used with object) -vat·ed, -vat·ing.

1. to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant: Her blue eyes and red hair captivated him.

2. to capture; subjugate.

WOW! There is so much in these definitions and it makes things so clear. I see what it is and who it is I want to be. I want to have a magnetic charm over my husband, and be pleasing and delightful for him to be around. Definitions of words give you the descriptive details you need to envision what it is you desire to become, and books, lessons, assignments and application give you the means to get there. 

The Official Site

The official website for Fascinating Womanhood  can be found at www.fascinatingwomanhood.net

Here you can find all of Helen Andelin's books, including "Fascinating Girl" for single women, and "Man of Steel and Velvet" the guide for men.

There are also study guides and online classes you can sign up for.

Be Creative to YOUR Situation

My husband is a naturally generous and giving person, so it really doesn't take a lot of prodding to get him to do things for me or the children. He also has a keen sense about things and can tell when I'm "doing too much".

Today, he was really sweet about skipping a few hours of work so the children and I could get some things done. When we got back home at the end of the day, I thanked him for it. I said; "Thank you for sacrificing part of your day for me and the children today, I really appreciated it." He kissed me on the forehead, then I said "You're so generous with your time". I was serious, but I KNEW that was taking it too far. He sort of laughed and said "Alright, don't go overboard".

Darn it!!! I knew that was too much! Lesson learned. In applying the principles, you have to know YOUR husband and you have to make sure your words are sincere and true to YOUR personality. You can't recite everything from the book just because she says so if it's not something you would normally say. That's not to say don't say them, it just means get creative, put them into your own words and do it in your own way. Your husband will be able to tell if you're being insincere or patronizing.

So, like I said, lesson learned. I'm going to have to really think the rest of this stuff through. My husband knows I'm reading the book, but I didn't want him to know I was being prompted by the reading. My plan: stay focused, stay on track, keep going. If he does think I'm being prompted by the book for things to say, then I'm going to have to prove to him that I do mean them. I told him at dinner that I would not try to change him anymore, so I won't, and I told him that I was working on me now, so I will continue to show him that I doing that. I will continue to listen to him, and show my appreciation for his virtues. I will be consistent in my efforts so that he will see that I am sincere.

He is a good husband, and I want to continue striving to be a good wife for him.

Join the Challenge

In addition to gaining the benefits of a happier, more loving relationship/marriage, I am enjoying challenging myself to be a better person and wife. It is very fulfilling watching the growth in myself and observing how differently I am viewing the world and the people around me.

I am inviting ALL the sistahs who see this blog to join me in reading and practicing Fascinating Womanhood. Just take your time and go as fast or slow as you need to. I know we are busy women, and have a LOT going on in our lives, but the rewards are truly remarkable and ultimately priceless. Do it for yourselves, NOT to change your man or gain something from him (that will come anyway) but to make you feel good inside because you know you are being the you God created you to be.

I encourage you to make comments, post your own stories and PLEASE share this site with all the women you love and care about, because even if you're marriage is great, or you're not married at all, I believe that this book can help in restoring us back to rightful place, as the Queens of our homes and families and of this Universe as a whole! Anything and everything is possible in unity, we can encourage each other when it comes to those assignments that get a little rough to complete and be inspired by each others successes. I pray we all find our peace and that you enjoy this reading even if you're not ready just yet to embark on your own journey.

In the meantime

Well things have been good since dinner Saturday night. No major changes, just good. Today was kind of slow, I haven't done any more reading in a couple of days and I haven't worked on the last assignments.
As I walked around the house, cleaning up, I had to keep talking to myself, convincing myself to keep going with the program, because on the surface I didn't really want to. He hadn't done anything specifically to upset me, it was just this feeling that overcame me today. I just wanted to whine and complain and say to him "Oh my God, I just want this, this and this! I deserve it and it shouldn't be this hard to get it."
The problem that happens when you try to change someone into something else is, you begin to lose the attraction/affinity you had for them when they inevitably disappoint you. So sometimes I wonder if I will be able to feel the way I felt so many years ago. The book talks about this situation as well. There is the story of a woman who said she had lost all love for her husband (he was an out of work alcoholic). She wanted to file for divorce but found and read "Fascinating Womanhood" and applied the principles and she said she and her husband had never been happier.
The book gives a LOT of happy ending stories, but to me it doesn't give very much detail about "in the meantime". So this is my in the meantime, wanting to give up, wanting to crawl back in my little shell and sulk and complain about the things I don't have and tell him all the things I want. But I know better now, so I won't do that, even though I spent most of the day quiet to him. I danced around with the children and was able to get some work done around the house, but my husband and I didn't talk much today. I'm not going to worry too much about it, I'm going to take the good with the not-so-good, because that's real life. Not everything is perfect with a happy ending, somebody has to tell you what happens in the meantime.

I've learned that going through this book and doing these assignments is very similar to getting in shape physically. You start off and maybe you're really out of shape and maybe not so much out of shape, just not really fit. You may not be able to get through the first few workouts because you are using muscles that you haven't used either in a while or ever. You wake up sore and the thought of going back to the gym is totally unappealing. But, if you really want to get in shape, you keep going. Even if you're not completely sure it will work, you listen to your trainer and do those squats and push ups. You sweat and pant and and cry and your body aches and you get tired, but you keep your eyes on that new you that you want so much.
So just like in exercising your body, when you work on your marriage or any relationship you're in, you have to continue to work through those feelings and that pain that comes in the meantime.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my book again and work on some more assignments, I'm determined to get to a new me.