I am not a feminist but I do believe in a woman's right to express her God-given talents and gifts, whether they be in baking and sewing or boxing and basketball. However I also believe that whatever a woman does should be done differently from men, she should put her unique, feminine touch on it.
Women play professional basketball and box, but there is a marked difference between the way men play and the way women play, as it should be. And there are some sports that I just don't condone for women, like football or body building, I think we have to draw the line somewhere!
I have been a martial artist for over twenty years, I have a first degree black belt and several sparring awards. I had to work with and spar against plenty of men and boys during my training, however I never ended up fighting like a man and my demeanor never changed once the gloves were off. Being a martial artist has made me stronger, indeed, but it hasn't taken away my feminine essence. When I am in the ring I use my dainty stature to my advantage, I tend to be a little faster and can reach those little hidden spots on my opponent's body that they least expect. When I workout with my male classmates, I never compete with them on the basis of strength, muscle or brawn. I respect their superior strength and I make use of my speed and agility to ensure that we both get a good workout. (They respect my size in return and never take advantage of their strength when working with me or the other female students).
Now I am ABSOLUTELY sure that Mrs. Helen Andelin would not approve of a woman playing any sport that a man plays and a woman boxing or sparring would probably give her a heart attack! But being a feminine woman is not about denying your strength and acting helpless, it's about putting your God-given womanly touch on everything that you do. Black women, in particular, but plenty of women in general, throughout history have been superior warriors, soldiers and leaders. God has given us that strength to use when necessary. Yet, it is in our nature to be different from the man and we should embrace that, rather than spend so much time challenging him in his role. The first female of pharaoh of Egypt, Queen Hatshepsut, was an amazing ruler of the kingdom after her husband, but she was first a beautiful woman who captured his heart with her feminine charm and graces. I wholeheartedly agree with Ms. Andelin in her description of a feminine woman in the book, but I have to add that being strong is also apart of being a woman, and this is something that she never seems to mention or acknowledge.
I think for the most part, black women have had no problems embracing our strength and fortitude in this world, we have however, and quite unfortunately, lost touch with our femininity and what comprises a feminine manner. Being a feminine woman seems to be turning into a lost art among the masses of our sisters. Charm and grace are no longer passed down from mother to daughter. We constantly bombard our girls with instruction on how to fight, how not to be taken advantage of, how to stick up for herself, how to tell a man off, etc. etc. but the art of how to be a good wife, homemaker and a charming, feminine woman seem to be excluded from the conversation. Lessons like how to control your voice are no longer covered.
Do we tell our daughters that a woman shouldn't be loud or boisterous, that her voice and tone should be soft and gentle? She shouldn't cackle or roar with laughter, to the point where one can see the entire inside of her mouth. A woman should have pleasant facial expressions. We shouldn't walk around looking like we're mad at the world and we're just waiting for somebody to say something to us so we have a reason to go off. (You know the look, think PMS plus my check is late, lol).
Andelin writes, "Facial expression has its roots in character. If you have a gentle character, it's natural and easy to have a gentle expression. On the other hand, if you have a harsh, critical, impatient, character you'll have difficulty keeping these unwholesome traits from creeping into your face." I like this, and I agree, what you feel on the inside can't help but show up at some point on the outside. So to become feminine women we really have work from the inside out and develop our character.
Another point we tend to miss as women is refinement, or "good social breeding". This means to be tactful, considerate, diplomatic, courteous and sensitive to others. Some examples would be; never interrupting someone who is speaking, never bringing up a subject that would embarrass someone in the group, never pointing the finger of scorn to another person. A refined person is never rude, impolite or inconsiderate. A refined person NEVER uses profane or vulgar language, swears or tells profane jokes. The book also mentions not scratching yourself, and no picking or blowing your nose in public. She also writes that a refined woman never rubs her husband's back, strokes his hair or fondles him in public. Um, I guess, I do tend to rub my husband's back in public on occasion, I didn't know that was such savage behavior, =) but I get the point.
I think as women, we really need to try and go back to the basics. We have overcome nearly every obstacle formed against us in this male-dominated society. Every year you hear about the first woman to do this or the other. But while we were out conquering the world, our home lives have suffered and our girls have missed out on some valuable lessons. It is so important to be strong in this day and age, you may be eaten alive if you're not; but it also important to embrace that part of ourselves that makes us women, because that is uniquely ours and is a divine gift from our Creator.
More later...
